Forgiveness Divine.

I have never been much of a forgiver. The quality of forgiveness is alien to my nature. I remember what happened to my friendship with my best friend Aparesh. We were in class-V then. One day during the break, we started cracking jokes at each other’s expense, jovially at the start. Then one joke led to another and soon we were making fun of relatives and their physical attributes and so on, you know. To cut a long story short, the nasty jokes cost us our friendship. Though we studied in the same school till class-X, in the same section, we never talked to each other again! I do not think I have changed much since then. Even today, I try to keep a safe distance from the people I abhor for their dishonesty, hypocrisy and big mouths.

In spite of being familiar with the reality and relevance of the adage:’ To err is human, to forgive divine’, I simply find it difficult to forgive and forget. My Ma was quite an exception in this regard. She could even forgive the person who must have caused her the greatest hurt and heartache.

I will come back to that later. Now it is human nature to forgive one’s siblings, kith and kin, or even parents easily. A story that I have read, in this context, comes to mind. It is Parable – 49, taken from a Buddhist Book of Parables called Thus Have I Heard. It is a familiar story and goes like this:

Bimbisara, the King of Magadha, during the time of Buddha Sakyamuni, was ecstatic when his first wife conceived a child. When the state astrologer was consulted, he made a terrible prediction. The yet to be born son, would turn out to be the king’s sworn enemy (thus the son was named Ajastsatru, the unborn enemy) and cause the death of his own father, just like Oedipus did in Sophocles’ immortal Oedipus Rexona. On hearing this, the queen immediately wanted to get rid of the baby in her womb through miscarriage or something. The king, a new convert to Buddhism, put some sense into her and prevented her from the evil intentions. In due course of time, a son was born to them. Despite the predictions of the pundit, the king remained ever forgiving to his son till his last. Once when the princes was wailing piteously due to a boil on one of his fingers, the king, while the court was in session, placed the son in his lap and started licking the boil in his mouth. It burst inside soon, but the king swallowed the pus and all not to wake up the child fallen asleep after long. As the prince grew up, he stared coveting the royal throne and nurturing the wicked thought of usurping it one day. Caught in the act, he was presented before his father. King Bimbisara, however, not only forgave Ajatsatru, but also relinquished the throne in his favour. The ungrateful son showed his gratitude by imprisoning his father and subjecting him to a painful end. He ordered the barber to cut open his father’s soles and put salt and oil there!

I do not know if Bimbisara could forgive his ungrateful son like Jesus Christ did, when he was being crucified by his enemies. The fact of the matter is, history is replete with the stories of such forgiving acts of some truly great human beings.

My mother was an ordinary moral, but forgiveness was ingrained in her nature. Instead of making a hue and cry about people’s mistakes, she thought it best to do it in their presence. Some people misunderstood her, not so surprisingly either! But she knew it best not to keep grudges. Be it someone close to her or the washer-woman, for the matter. She had a natural tendency to love them all. It was characteristically easy for her to forgive and forget.

By mid-eighties, she became the senior most person at 41 Deblane. Time and again her own offspring, instigated by others, failed to read her good intentions and criticized her for her lack of personality. She bore it all with utmost patience. Her basic goodness, self-control and a strong sense of forgiveness, always made her see the brighter side of Life. During the entire 44 years that I have had the good fortune of spending in her company, never did I see her quarreling with someone or losing control over herself!

When I find myself involved in an argument with my wife, most often over silly or trivial matters, I think of my Ma. Had she really wanted it, she could have easily added insult to my father’s injury. The whole family was in her support. Most of today’s so called educated ladies in her shoes, would start planning revenge in the principle of ‘tit for tat’. Not my Ma. She was far too wise to be unforgiving and revengeful. She believed in being a home-maker rather than a home-breaker. The whole concept of forgiveness was so much a part of her persona, that it was tantamount to some kind of pure love for all and the supreme bliss of Life and living.

On a headstrong day, as I was sitting near her sprawled figure on her bed, venting my anger on someone, badmouthing him for what I could or should have done, Ma slowly raised her weary head and in her characteristic style had an electric shock sent down my spine by sadly remarking:

“Toder ke ki aai janya manush korlam?’ For the sake of humanity, is this the reason why I brought you all up?

On hindsight, I realize now that I really never tried to learn anything from my Ma’s life. That I have a long way to go. I have to learn to forgive others. Not some kind of  surface level forgiveness, but from deep down, even at the cost of my own happiness. It may not be too late yet. The art of forgiveness is divinely difficult but not impossible to muster. Luckily, I have my Ma’s personal example in front.